In the Charles Dickens novel ‘A Christmas Carol’ Ebenezer Scrooge uttered the now famous words ‘Bah Humbug’ referencing his obvious lack of enthusiasm for Christmas. This is fools gold, Christmas is like a slob of putty, you can turn it into whatever you want it to be.
I’ll give you a rundown of the good and bad, front lawn blow up reindeers, hangovers on Boxing Day, Church services on Christmas Eve, developing carpel tunnel writing Cards, shopping center meltdowns by everybody and singing carols out of tune, ok that was mostly bad.
As a child I vaguely remember crying uncontrollably whilst sitting on Santa’s lap at David Jones one year, he must have said ‘no’ to one of my many demands, I think Mum has the photographic evidence somewhere, I should have sued for ‘emotional distress’, isn’t it Santa’s job to make children happy.
All was not lost however for on Christmas Eve there was overwhelming excitement when beer and fruitcake was left out for Santa to enjoy as he delivered ‘our’ presents. I guess we just never figured he’d be larger than ‘fat bastard’ for just delivering presents to Buff Point never mind the whole planet.
Then the next morning my sister and I would race out to the Christmas tree faster than an escaped monkey from a cocaine study. We couldn’t wait to unwrap the presents Tasmanian devil style and leave a wreckage of wrapping paper around the living room.
But alas, as you get older the raw excitement tends to diminish, I blame the unfounded discovery that Santa’s identity may have been compromised and I don’t blame you if you try to keep the joy going by wearing a Santa hat to work, in fact I’ll cheer you as I drink my 9th beer on Christmas Day.
For the seaside towns that will be besieged by holidaymakers and kids on vacation don’t worry soon enough you’ll be back to your tranquil existence, which I’m sure will keep the pensioners happy.
In the end I say ‘bah humbug’ to all those ‘bah humbuggers’, lighten up, enjoy the Christmas spirit, now I better call someone about that escaped monkey.